How can we profess to be “one nation under God” when we can’t say prayers in school but we can distribute contraceptives for “safe sex?” How can we be “one nation under God” when we have laws that allow babies to be aborted but protect endangered species of animals? While we certainly have advanced immeasurably in every field of technology, we have digressed to the lowest depths in almost every area of morality. Can we call that progress?

We are all under God in the sense that He is sovereign, ruling every nation of men from His throne. And throughout history, He has caused kingdoms to rise and fall, punishing those who refused to honor Him or have regard for things that are right and pure. If He did not even spare the sons of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob from the day of destruction, how shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation?

The history of God’s dealings with the nation of Israel was written “for our learning” (Rom. 15:4) and as an “example for us” (1 Cor.10:6). It was not recorded so that we could wag our heads and say, “They must have been blind not to see that!” Rather, it should cause our humble contemplation, “That could be us if we’re not careful.” The same things that led to the fall of national Israel are the same symptoms that exist among spiritual Israel—a people who are supposed to be “under God.”

They Got too Close to the World

“All the officials of the priests and the people were very unfaithful following all the abominations of the nations” (2 Chron.36:14). They were warned about this possibility before they ever entered the land of milk and honey. The reason the Lord did not want them to marry or associate with other nations was because He knew they would turn the heart of His people away from Him. And that’s exactly what happened. First, they just wanted a king. In the end, they lost their whole kingdom.

The love of God cannot coexist with the love of the world. Jesus demanded a decision, one or the other (Matt.6:24). We try to get around that by saying, “I’m not in the world, but I’m going to get as close as I can to it.” The problem with that philosophy is that those who continually live on the edge, end up falling off. The question we ought to ask ourselves is not “How close am I to the world?” but “How far am I from God?”

They Put Their Trust in Things

Idolatry was their timeless plague. Despite all the wonders God worked among them and the power He displayed in their deliverance, they turned to graven images. They even took their idols and “defiled the house of the Lord which He had sanctified in Jerusalem” (2 Chron.36:14). Instead of trusting the living God, they placed their confidence in things that could not hear their prayers or see their predicaments or speak for their assurance.

Remember, Paul said that this is recorded “that we should not crave evil things as they also craved” (1 Cor.10:11). And in that same opening is the admonition to “flee from idolatry” (v.14). We are naive if we think that serving idols is limited to worshiping a golden calf or bowing down to some statue. It is anything that stands between us and whole-hearted service to God. It is whatever we turn to when we ought to be turning to the Lord. We have been created in His image, not made to trust in created images.

They Mocked the Message

“And the Lord sent word to them again and again … but they continually despised His words and scoffed at His prophets” (2 Chron.36:15-16). They were given plenty of opportunities to repent. But as each spokesman came on the scene, “they laughed him to scorn and mocked him” (30:10). By rejecting the words of God, they rejected God Himself. Thus, “the wrath of the Lord arose against His own people, until there was no remedy” (36:16).

We dare not lose our reverence for the Bible, the inspired message of God. We do so when we reduce simple and straightforward Scriptures to a mere “matter of interpretation.” We do so when we make no time to read it as individuals or with our families. We do so when we neglect to put it to work in our lives so that others can see Christ in us. We do so when we regard it as outdated or old fashioned until there is no standard of right and wrong. Remember, “God is not mocked” (Gal.6:7).

Let us pledge our full allegiance to the Lord. Because no matter what happens in the courtroom or in Congress or in culture, we will forever be a people under God’s rule.

My name is Ken Weliever and I am writing because you mentioned me in a speech last Thursday at the LGBT reception at the White House. You don’t remember? I am the one who “still hold(s) fast to worn arguments and old attitudes” regarding homosexuality. I am among those people you called “good and decent people in this country who don’t yet fully embrace their gay brothers and sisters.” Yes, I am the one who has “traditionally resisted these changes.” Yes, I am the one whose “heart” and “attitude” you mentioned more than once that you are trying to change “step by step, law by law, mind by changing mind.”

Since you are concerned about my heart, my “old attitude” and my “worn arguments” I thought you should know a little about me.

I am a 61-year-old preacher of the gospel for the North Boulevard church of Christ in Tampa, Florida. I grew up in Indiana in a traditional family–I had a mother, a father and a brother. We attended church every Sunday. I was taught the responsibility of work, the necessity of honesty, and the virtue of sexual purity. My wife, Norma, and I have been faithfully married to each other for 41 years. We have a biological son, Kenny, and a daughter, Rache’l we adopted in 1978. Thank God, her birth mother did not choose abortion! I have been a preacher of the gospel for over 40 years.

I was taught by my parents and Bible Class teachers, as well as through my own personal study of the Bible that fornication, adultery, and homosexuality are sins (1 Cor.6:9-11). Although society has changed in the past 50 years the Bible has not. In fact, the apostle Paul in Romans 1:18-32 severely condemned lesbian and homosexual acts. Please, Mr. President, take a minute to read this passage. The depravity of this sin is emphasized by the words that God uses to describe it: “unclean” “dishonor,” “vile passions,” “shameful,” “debased,” and “not fitting.”

Are these the “worn arguments “ and “old attitudes” to which you were referring? If so, Mr. President, I plead guilty!

Sunday morning I preached a sermon on the question raised in Psalm 11:3, “If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?” The foundations in American are crumbling. I am not speaking of the educational or economic foundations, but the spiritual ones. The four I mentioned were: (1) respect for the sanctity of life, (2) the traditional family, (3) old fashioned work ethic, and (4) being a God honoring society. I call upon you, Mr. President, to lead us back to these time honored, Biblical foundations on which our great country was founded and flourished.

Mr. President, I understand you are searching for a new “church home.” Some reports suggest that you are considering Evergreen Chapel at Camp David where the Southern Baptist preacher Carey Cash is the minister. I thought you would like to know the official Southern Baptist position on marriage and homosexuality. Their web site states the following:

We affirm God’s plan for marriage and sexual intimacy – one man, and one woman, for life. Homosexuality is not a “valid alternative lifestyle.” The Bible condemns it as sin. It is not, however, unforgivable sin. The same redemption available to all sinners is available to homosexuals. They, too, may become new creations in Christ.

Mr. President, I agree with that position, as do millions of Americans regardless of their denominational affiliation, or lack of one. I think rather than trying to change “old attitudes and worn arguments” we need to restore the ancient attitudes regarding morality and return to the God honoring arguments that affirm and support the traditional family unit.

In closing let me thank you for taking the time to read my letter and consider my concerns. I assure you that I believe all people should be treated with respect and accorded the dignity as human beings created in the image of God. Hateful speech is unbecoming of a Christian. Malicious acts that would harm others are wrong, as you mentioned in your remarks. However, to accept and celebrate homosexuality as an appropriate lifestyle is also wrong. It is sinful. It ought not to be legalized by our government, sanctioned by society, or promoted by our President.

My attitude remains unchanged! And my arguments shall continue to be as worn as God’s Word. Many of us are praying for you, Mr. President, that God can use you as a force for good and that your own heart and attitude could be changed to return to the values our country once held dear.

Sincerely,

Ken Weliever

Watching this display of nature and nurture in action, and thinking about God’s creatures great and small, reminded me of the old saying, “Two of the greatest things we can give our children are roots and wings.”

“You’ll Understand When…”

We parents often admonish and teach our children by explaining why they should or should not follow a specific course (Eph.6:4). Many times we end by saying, “You’ll understand when you have children of your own.” Several years ago one of my daughters told me that while growing up, she told herself that she would NEVER say to her children some of the things we had said to her. In the next sentence she said, “But Mom, I hear myself saying those same words all the time!” Yes, I was thrilled!

Another daughter was watching her five-year-old son tackle an obstacle course at a playground. He never quite finished the course, but every time he slipped, she encouraged him to “try again.” She didn’t tell him he wasn’t big enough or old enough, just “keep on trying.” Instead of being frustrated, he enjoyed the challenge and someday, when he is bigger and older, he will finish the course.

It’s Hard to Let Them Go

It is hard to let our “babies” go no matter how old they are, but it is our God-given responsibility to train them so when the time comes for them to leave our nest they will be prepared to feather their own. If we give them proper roots to ground them in their youth, then we will be prepared to let them go when they are ready to fly.

Are our kids going to make mistakes? Of course they are! Did we? Of course we did! But if we teach them to love God’s word and follow Him then when they leave home, the empty nest will not be as difficult as we might imagine (Prov.1:8-9). I overheard one daughter, when in her early teens, telling a friend, “My mother can find a moral lesson in EVERYTHING!” I am fairly certain she wasn’t saying that as a compliment at the time, but I stored it in my heart and know that it truly was.

Is it scary the first time a child spends the night away from home, goes to camp, drives a car, begins to date, and suffers hardships and heartaches? Oh, yes! But we must allow them to grow and learn from doing some things by themselves. They will learn many of life’s lessons from their own experiences. We can help our children by giving them space to grow while still encouraging them from a distance.

Remembering That God Is In Control

When our son’s first son was born three months early and we got the call, our hearts were in our throats and we were praying all the way to the hospital. All we could think about was what might lie ahead for him and his family. But we knew that whatever the future held, GOD was in control—we were not—and we (and they) could face tomorrow because HE lives. Thankfully our grandson is now a thriving two-year-old and someday he will learn his own life’s lessons with the help of strong roots and strong wings.

One thing I know for sure, as we are enjoying the days of the empty nest, is that our own children will soon be saying to theirs, “You’ll understand when you have children of your own.”

Celebrities Die in Threes

I’ve always heard that although in recent weeks celebrity deaths seem to be contagious.

• Ed McMahon—longtime pitchman for Johnny Carson and leading spokesman for Budweiser beer—deeply in debt and dead at the age of 86
• Farrah Fawcett—one of the original Charlie’s Angels and the sex symbol of the 70’s (she posed nude for Playboy), was married once, divorced, followed by several romantic relationships including actor Ryan O’Neal with whom she had a son our of wedlock—dead at age 62
• Michael Jackson—the King of Pop whose 1982 album, Thriller, is the best selling album of all time, and who was known for eccentric behavior, multiple pedophilia charges and addiction to prescription drugs—dead at age 50
• Billy Mays—full-volume pitch man for OxyClean and a host of other products not sold in stores (although they are sold in every other store in Pigeon Forge)—dead at age 50
• Steve McNair—popular retired NFL quarterback, married and father of four, carried on an extra-marital affair with a twenty-year-old waitress—shot by his girlfriend who suspected him of seeing someone else—dead at age 36

And so on (and on). By the time this piece finds its way into your hands, many others will be added. Should we not be surprised that larger-than-life celebrities die, too? Last time I checked, we all die (Heb.9:27)—including the rich and famous.

It is the reaction to celebrity deaths that concern me. For example, the blogs are rampant with emotional attachment to these people. Of Michael Jackson’s death—“A part of me has died, too,” “I have been crying and my tears won’t stop,” “I have been lying awake until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning feeling sick and gutted,” “I feel isolated—like I lost my best friend…” It is both odd and sad.

First, I think it important to note that we should never make light of the death of anyone.  When someone makes the transition from now to eternity, it is cause for pause and sober reflection. There are two reactions, however, that become common in celebrity deaths:

1.  They become the best person that ever lived. Ungodly living is often glossed over as their death only magnifies their larger than life aura. And anyone who would dare point out sinful behavior that often leads to an early demise is vilified. One Facebook account posted that if anyone said one negative thing about Michael Jackson, they would be removed as a friend. A “friend” noted that since MJ’s death and funeral service at the Staples Center, nine U.S. soldiers had been killed in the Middle East with little media notice. He was removed as a friend. Others write about the ungodly: “Rest in peace.” Am I the only one who fails to understand what that means? How can anyone living immorally rest in peace?

2.  We mourn like we know them. I do not know any of these people—have never met them and have no relationship with them. Yet because we see them on television, we connect with them in an odd emotional way, and grieve at their passing as if we have lost a genuine friend.  The psychologists can decipher the why of it all, but there is no denying the reality of emotional attachments to the rich and famous.

We Get It Backwards

Here is the kicker: if we’re not careful, we expend more emotional energy to those we don’t know than to those we do. Take for example your church family. Every congregation of which I am aware is filled with problem people—people with problems, hurts, and heartaches. How much emotional energy do we give to them? These are not people we see in the movies, listen to their music, or throw touchdown passes, but are real folks with whom we worship and with whom we have a relationship. Their lives should touch and impact us. Do they?

And this: Are we bothered more by celebrity deaths than we are by the deaths of those who “die in the Lord” (Rev.14:13)? I’ve been to some funerals of godly older Christians that were barely attended by younger couples. Why? I am amazed at the callousness that we show our own brethren at times.

“I Don’t Know What to Say to People…”

Friend, join the crowd and get in line because I don’t either. I have learned over time, however, that what you say isn’t nearly as important as the fact that you showed up. There are many situation best served by golden silence (Eccl.3:7b). Just the fact that you are there to share your heart means more than anything you can say. And this: How can we claim to be like Jesus if we cannot weep with the hurting?

Here are things you can do—

• call ahead and take supper to a burdened family
• write down a meaningful Scripture on a piece of paper and ask them to put it in their pocket (Psalms 16:5, 30:5b, Rom.8:28; Eph.3:14-21, etc.)
• tell them you love them
• tell them that you mentioned their names and lifted them up before the Throne in prayer
• show up at the hospital—and make your visit brief
• send a hand-written note (the old fashioned kind with a stamp)
• weep with them—tears are God’s miniature messengers of love that transcend words

Jesus cared. A man’s man, He was moved by the plight of the hurting. His tears were real as He was willing to expend emotional energy to connect with folks like us. The saddest words I have ever heard are—“I’m afraid to love because I might get hurt.” Aren’t you glad Jesus wasn’t afraid to love? And He loved knowing He would get hurt—but did it anyway. Those who choose to distance themselves from hurting brethren miss out—they miss out on some of the greatest opportunities to serve and…they miss out on knowing the heart of Jesus.

Celebrity deaths do one thing for sure—they are a publicized reminder that we all die. Thus it behooves us to ready ourselves for the inevitable and, in the meantime, comfort those we know who experience loss and pain.

God, please use Kelsey to bring glory to your Name. We know the odds are against us, but we trust in You. Please use our daughter as a living example of Your power to heal, that all may glorify You as the Great God of Heaven.

That was my prayer when we first learned that our beautiful daughter, Kelsey, had an aggressive brain tumor in the worst possible location. We learned that less than 5% of the children who get this tumor survive longer than 14 months, BUT we also knew that our God was more than capable of healing her. I repeated this prayer for months, but somewhere along the way, I stopped praying that particular prayer, not because I had given up or lost hope—my prayer simply changed.

Not until April 10, 2009 as we were leaving the funeral home to go to the cemetery to bury the “tent” our daughter had occupied for 16 years and 28 days did I realized that God had answered my prayer in accordance with Ephesians 3:20 and had done so in an “exceedingly abundant” way. While I was praying that my daughter would be a living example of His power to heal, He was using her as an everlasting example of His power to save. Where I prayed for God to be glorified as the God of all healing, He has shown Himself to be the Great God of salvation. It was His will to use Kelsey in a way that went far beyond anything I could have ever comprehended.

Unanswered or…Answered – ?

In a time like this some might question God, wondering why He didn’t answer the prayers of so many who fervently brought Kelsey’s name before His throne in their daily petitions, but we must realize that He did hear our prayers and He did what He always does. He answered them according to His will. As always, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways higher than our ways (Isa.55:8-9). What God did for Kelsey was so much better than what I was asking Him to do.

If God had answered my prayer according to my will, Kelsey would still have had a broken body. The tumor had damaged the nerves that controlled the left side of her body and the right side of her face. Even in a “best case scenario” she would still have had those limitations. But God dealt with her broken body by removing the corruptible so that she could put on incorruption (2 Cor.4:16-5:4). He set aside the temporary so she could put on the perfect and permanent.

God’s answer to my prayer was “exceedingly abundantly” above what I could have thought in that He removed all her suffering. Too often we think about the suffering of a cancer patient only in terms of physical pain, but pain was the least of Kelsey’s suffering. Her greatest suffering was simply not being about to live like a normal sixteen-year-old girl. God removed all that, so that she is now in a place where suffering does not exist (Rev.21:4). It’s not that He just removed the suffering of cancer, but she will never face the suffering that comes from living in a world filled with sin and heartache.

A Bigger Perspective—For Her, For Me, For You

It’s natural to think about the things Kelsey will miss out on, but my friends, we are the one’s missing out! Romans 8:18-25 makes it clear that we are the ones groaning to be with the Lord. Think about this (only if you’re over thirty!), would you really want to be sixteen again, knowing you’d have to live through the pain and sadness all over again?

God’s answer was merciful in that He removed her fears. Not until the week before Kelsey died did she confess that she had some fears about what she was facing. My initial reaction was to assure her that I understood why she was scared, but also to reassure her that she was going to a place where she would never be afraid again—forever! Most of us would admit to having fears as we contemplate that ultimate test of our faith. But imagine facing it at sixteen. While I could only offer words of comfort, God was able to provide true comfort. Notice what Jesus said about the time of Lazarus’ death in Luke 16:22. “So it was that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s bosom…” There may be points to argue in this passage, but one thing is for sure, God gives comfort to His children at the very moment of their departure.

God’s answer to my petition was also better for me as well. First, He has removed a major source for worry from my life. Almost as soon as Kelsey was diagnosed my wife said to me, “We are going to be dealing with this for the rest of her life.” Had God answered my prayer according to my will, five, ten, and even twenty years from now, I would still be worrying about Kelsey. Thanks be to God I will never worry about Kelsey again. She had committed herself to Him, and He never disappoints (2 Tim.1:12). Second, and more importantly, throughout this trial I have gained a greater spiritual focus. My eyes have been opened to what is really important, and it cannot be seen with eyes of flesh. Jesus warned us about not having a spiritual focus in Matthew 6:19-21. He told us that those who lay up treasure on the earth are always disappointed, but those who set their sights on heaven are never let down. It has been rightly said that this life isn’t about this life. It is about preparing for the next. God has certainly shown this to me.

God’s answer was also better for everyone else who can see this shining example of His glory and power that goes beyond what we can ask or think. He has given us yet another reason to praise Him! That should be our reaction when we see Him answer our prayers in an exceedingly abundant fashion (Eph.3:21). He has again shown Himself to be trustworthy. In Kelsey’s life, and her death, we have seen a wonderful illustration that all things do work together for good to those who love God (Rom.8:28), and I do not believe He is finished showing us all the good that He is working!

A Small Man and a Big God

In all of this, God has given us yet another lesson on why it is so wise to serve Him. We often talk about why it is unwise to rebel against God, but there is good reason to serve Him. “If God is for us, who can be against us? Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies… Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (vv.31-39). That is reason to serve God with every fiber of your being!

I started this journey as a small man looking for a small favor from a big God. What I got was an answer that was bigger than anything I could have imagined from a God who is even more awesome than I ever knew! I never asked, “Why Kelsey? and Why me?” Now, looking back, I know why. God was using Kelsey to bring glory to His Name. When I was thinking about God using Kelsey as a living example of His power to heal, He was using her as an everlasting illustration of His power to save. For that I simply say, “Praise God!”

I found a book in the religious section there a few years back entitled How to Study Difficult Passages in the Bible. It was good for me to see that because I used to think that the preacher had to have every single Scripture figured out. Whether it was some obscure vision of the Old Testament or some revelation in the last book of the New Testament, nothing was supposed to be too difficult for him to understand or explain. But even the Apostle Peter commented on Paul’s writings, “in which are some things hard to understand” (2 Pet.3:16). I just know he had the book of Romans in mind.

That said, there is a different kind of difficult passage in the Bible. These are challenging, not just with respect to their information, but with regard to their application. One such Scripture is Philippians 2:5: “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus.” That’s hard for me.

The call to be like Christ is no easy task. Peter gave instruction to follow “in His steps” (1 Pet.2:21), and Paul invited the Corinthians to “be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ” (1 Cor.11:1). But walking in those steps includes an imitation of Jesus’ summation of His whole life’s work when He said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). If you want to follow Jesus, you’re going to have to become a servant.

Just how is a servant made? What are the ingredients needed for such a transformation?

A Voluntary Spirit

Jesus was not forced into His role as a servant. He “emptied Himself” (Phil. 2:7). “He humbled Himself” (2:8). No one did that for Him. No one coerced or forced Him in this regard.  He did it Himself. Just as He said in the Good Shepherd passage, “I lay down my life for the sheep…no one has taken it from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative” (John 10:15,18).  Such is the spirit of a servant.

God’s army must be made up of volunteers. Yet, we sometimes look like waiters in a restaurant who are serving only because we are under obligation and feel like we “have to.”  Service ought to be viewed as the privilege of those who were shown favor by the greatest servant of all, Jesus Christ. Without Him, our spirits would be without hope.

A Selfless Disposition

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil. 2:3-4). Jesus certainly showed us the way in this regard. He was not concerned with worldly goods or fortunes; He didn’t even have a place to lay His head. He put no stock in popularity or praise; He sought the glory of His Father. Even on the cross, His focus was not on selfish ambitions but on the very people for whom He was crucified.

In a world that is so often racing to be first at the finish line, God’s servants must place themselves last. Especially ought this to be our attitude in our service to one another. Christians are to “be devoted to one another in brotherly love,” giving “preference to one another in honor” (Rom.12:10). The best way to do that is to dispose of self. It’s where the footsteps of our Lord lead.

A Humble Demeanor

Jesus existed in the “form of God” (Phil. 2:6) yet took on the “form of a bond-servant” (2:7).  Further, “He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (2:8). He did not consider Himself too important, too high, or too mighty to stoop and serve. He just humbly submitted Himself to be the sacrifice and the greatest example of service for all men.

One reason I love the hymn Make Me A Servant, written by Tim Jennings and Matt Bassford, is the opening line of the second verse: “Make me a servant, take all my pride.” Jesus never said of the task before Him, “Isn’t there are angel who could take care of this?” Neither is there any work of service in God’s kingdom that is beneath your humble submission. Those who do so are promised exaltation from God at the proper time (James 4:10).

One of the pictures of the redeemed in the book of Revelation is that they are “before the throne of God; and they serve Him day and night in His temple” (7:15). Servant-hood is our privilege here and our destiny there. It is what we’re made for.

I buried my face in my hands and thought of all that had transpired for my boys and me: my husband’s fits of rage, broken chairs, broken promises, and broken hearts. What was I to do? He was a preacher, and if I shared the abuse I was suffering, many would be discouraged to discover that the person they looked to for encouragement was not who he appeared to be. To them he was Dr. Jekyll; to us he was Mr. Hyde. Exposure could subject my family to even more pain. Our very livelihood was tied to his reputation with the church and the community. If I exposed him I would risk everything, wouldn’t I? I began to pray, “Please God free me from this persecution. I need your help. I need your direction. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t take much more.” Would it ever end or was I to live like this for the rest of my life?

That was sixteen years ago. Sadly, my husband did not repent, and chose to abandon the Lord for another woman. I sit quietly in peace now as I look back on that awful time in my life.  It did end, and God brought us through it. There is so much more to tell, but space does not allow it, and my focus is to give you hope; hope and a stronger faith in God’s great hand of guidance and abiding love.

My eyes fill with grateful tears now as I think of how God was and still is my Provider and Defender. I struggled at one time with questions of why He allowed such suffering, but I would not be able to write the same words of encouragement to you now if I had not had those experiences. I learned from Job, that God allowed him to hurt in an unimaginable way, and recorded his story for the ages to help us understand life, loss and God’s great love. Satan meant it for harm, but God meant it for good—Job’s and ours. What if Job had cursed and abandoned God? He would have suffered for nothing, and would have truly lost everything.

What are you to do if your spouse victimizes you? God gave us the answers in His book.  Begin with prayer and self-examination. Immerse yourself in scripture. Jesus overcame Satan in the wilderness in Matthew 4 by quoting God’s word. It is your lifeline—start with Proverbs 3:5-8 and Psalm 121. Here are some other truths to embrace:

Do what is right. Determine, with God’s help, that you will remain blameless. You must be the spouse God charged you to be regardless of the circumstances. That was the vow you made before God. Peter describes how Jesus submitted in the face of unjust suffering in

1 Pet.2:21-24, and says wives are to submit to their husbands “in the same way. (3:1).”  1 Pet. 3:13-18 likewise describes how Christians are to react under persecution. There is no place for retaliation. God cannot help you if you join in with sin, and you will need His help (1 John 3:22)!

Tell others. Put Matt.18:15-18 into practice. If your spouse won’t listen to you, go to the elders; expose the sin (Gal.6:1). If you don’t have elders, contact other mature Christians—perhaps a husband and wife—that can help you. If your spouse threatens you or forbids you to reveal the abuse, you must do it anyway! If he still refuses to repent, go before the church. Your focus is to save not only yourself and your family, but also his soul (Jude 23; Prov.26:26). Sin held in secret will only get worse (read that again!).

Keep safe. If your spouse still won’t respond to your pleas, use the law to protect your safety. Many states have domestic violence laws that provide immediate or near-immediate help.  This is a logical consequence for the abuser. When he chooses the behavior, he chooses the consequences. You didn’t do it to him, he did it to himself (Gal.6:7). You may have to remind yourself of that, often. Proverbs 19:19 says, “A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.”

There is a caution here, however. If consequences require separation, be aware of your accountability to God and your spouse. Read 1 Cor.7: 5, 10-11, and Matt.19:4-9. Regardless of what our law and culture promotes or authorizes, God says the only cause for divorce is adultery.  If your goal is eternity with God, trust Him and His Word. If He can provide you eternal salvation, He can get you through this.

Place your confidence in the Lord. Remind yourself that the Lord is with you. Paul tells us that if we seek Him we will find Him because He is not far from any of us (Acts 17:27).  James tells us to draw near to God, and God will draw near to us (James 4:8). In the worst of times, I would picture the Lord at my side with His hand on my shoulder. He watches over you!  He died for you! He was resurrected for you! Scripture records that Christ is sitting on the right hand of God (Matt.26:64; Mark 16:9), but when the innocent Stephen was suffering at the hands of persecutors in Acts 7:56, Christ wasn’t sitting; He was standing! He watches and cares and knows exactly what you’re going through. Call on Him. He is your Protector and Defender, and He will deliver you. David writes in Psalms 27:1, “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life: of whom shall I be afraid?”

Take courage and take the action God has prescribed. Trust His promises, and remember….“If God is for us, who can be against us (Rom. 8:31)?” Do you really believe that?  If you do, you can be transformed from victim to victor.

So how do you help those who are suffering the pain of divorce?

(1) First and foremost, pray for them. I have never been fond of the expression, “Well, all we can do now is pray.” Prayer happens to be the first and most powerful thing we can do (James 5:16). So if you know someone who is suffering the horror of divorce, bring the name of that person before the Lord very honestly and very often.

(2) Do what you can to bring them to repentance, to whatever extent repentance is needed. You will rarely talk to a divorced person who doesn’t see himself or herself as the “innocent party” – but that may or may not be the case. When a marriage disintegrates, there is usually sin that needs to be repented of by everybody involved, and dealing with that sin should be the top priority. Certainly, if either party has entered into an unscriptural marriage following their divorce, then extricating themselves from that relationship should be their main concern. Whatever may have gone wrong, and whatever pain may have to be suffered in this life, going to heaven is our main objective. In this world, mistakes are going to be made, but there is one thing we can always do: we can do what is right about the wrongs that we have done. So if there is some divorced person that you care about, and heaven would not be their home if they died today, don’t console them by saying, “‘Peace, peace!’ when there is no peace” (Jer.6:14). Do whatever you can to bring them to repentance. If your friend misses heaven, nothing else will have mattered.

(3) Help them juggle the physical demands of life. Divorce almost incapacitates a person. Even the simplest daily chores become mountains to be climbed. Especially if there are children to be cared for while a person tries to hold down a full-time job, the daily demands of life can be unmanageable. So look for opportunities to lend a helping hand. Don’t just advise and criticize; help them bear the burden (Gal.6:2).

(4) Encourage them. To “encourage” means to impart “courage,” and I can hardly think of a thing that divorced people need any more than that. They need the resolve and the determination to do what is right, and to keep on doing it for the rest of their lives. So do whatever you can to strengthen their backbone, helping them to understand that the Lord never requires us to do anything that He won’t make it possible to do (Phil.4:13). But “encourage” also means to impart things like faith and hope. So help them learn to do what is right and then trust the Lord enough to put the outcome in His hands. Help them to see that “though the wrong oft seems so strong, God is the Ruler yet” (Maltbie D. Babcock).

(5) Love them. When your spouse, the person who knew you more fully than any other human being, rejects you, it’s hard to avoid the impression that you are worthless. You live the rest of your life with the suspicion that no one who really knew you would want to continue dealing with you, including the Lord. So what divorced people need is to be loved. They need those who will be agents of the Lord’s love in their lives. It may need to be tough love, depending on the divorced person’s need for repentance, but in all circumstances, it needs to be love. One of the hardest things in the world, of course, is to learn what real love is and how to show it in all the different situations that we face. If we could ever get that right, everything else would fall nicely into place (Matt.22:37-40; Rom.13:8-10). So there is a sense in which every situation simply asks us: What are the demands of love here? If I really loved God with all my heart and my neighbor as myself, what would I do?

The divorced, like all the rest of us, are among, or have been among, the “perishing.” And how do we help the perishing? I think Fanny J. Crosby said it best: Down in the human heart, crushed by the tempter, feelings lie buried that grace can restore: / Touched by a loving heart, wakened by kindness, chords that were broken will vibrate once more. / Rescue the perishing, care for the dying; Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save.

Editor’s Note… Over the years, David and Flora Tant have taken in many young girls facing pregnancy outside of marriage. They know of what they speak. When asked the question, “Weren’t you worried about the influence these girls would have on your children?” –David’s answer was, “It certainly provided a good object lesson for our kids in that this was not the kind of life they wanted.” Through the years some of the Tant’s own children have taken in those who needed a place of refuge. So continues four generations of the same as our brother’s parents and grandparents were also involved in reaching out to the hurting.

There are certain words in the English language that we don’t like to hear, in fact, we dread to hear them. Probably, the most dreaded words would come from the doctor’s mouth to the family in the waiting room: “I’m so sorry. We tried our best, and there is nothing more we can do.” Next in line might be the words spoken by a teenage daughter: “Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant.”

With these words comes a flood of emotions evidenced by tears, anger, recrimination, fear and sometimes condemnation. Of all the challenges facing parents of teenagers, the only news that is worse than that of death, is the news that a daughter has become pregnant, or that a son has impregnated a girl.

For many years, my wife, Flora, and I have been closely involved with teenage pregnancy, with many girls living in our home for a period of time ranging from weeks to months, and subsequently helping them place their babies for adoption, or, in a few cases, helping them to adjust to being a full-time mother. From this perspective, perhaps some words can be offered that can help families that find themselves in this situation.

Abortion is Not the Answer

To start with, let me clearly state that abortion is not the answer. This is not a treatise on the sin of abortion, but we need to understand that the Scriptures clearly state that what is in the womb is a living being, not just a blob of tissue. When Mary came to visit her kinswoman Elizabeth, the child Elizabeth was carrying in her womb responded to Mary’s voice: “For behold, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy” (Luke 1:44). Besides the sin of murdering a baby, the abortionists do not warn their clients of the emotional scars that many women carry for years, even for a lifetime, after an abortion.

Dr. David C. Reardon, of the Elliott Institute in Springfield, IL did a study of hundreds of women 10-20 years after an abortion. Over 50% of the women reported feelings of betrayal of their beliefs and ideals, agony, guilt, sorrow, depression, grief, bitterness, regret, despair, shame, unworthiness, severe weeping, and a loss of self-confidence, among other things. These are just some of the emotions that followed for years. A Canadian study showed 25% of women who had an abortion made visits to psychiatrists, compared to 3% of a control group. A Danish study showed a 53% higher rate of psychiatric admissions for women who had abortions compared to those who delivered their children. A study in Finland reveals a suicide rate among those who had abortions to be 300% greater than all women of reproductive age, and 600% more than women who gave birth. Other studies find an increased risk of breast cancer (50%) and other medical complications.

I have known of parents who “solved” the problem of a daughter’s pregnancy by pressuring for an abortion. But they were not the one’s who received a call at 2 a.m. from a nearly hysterical teenager distraught over her abortion. I have spent years trying to bring this particular young woman back to the Lord. I strongly suspect that she feels unworthy.

Rejection is Not the Answer

Neither is rejection the answer. Many years ago I was in a gospel meeting in a small town in Indiana when a family approached me with their 14-year-old daughter. Vickie was pregnant, having been seduced by Mr. Cool Joe. Vickie’s father’s anger prompted him to say he never wanted to see her again. So this frightened child came home with me, having been rejected for the third time in her life. She had been literally abandoned as a baby and left in a deserted house. Then Mr. Cool Joe abandoned her, refusing any responsibility after assuring her that all would be okay. So a frightened little girl came home with me. Thankfully, Dad later relented.

So, what are parents to do? If there is ever a time in a girl’s life that she needs love and support, this is the time. It is not a time to smooth over sin, but it is a time to embrace, as the prodigal son’s father did (Luke 15:20).

The Choice of Adoption

If possible, the father of the child should be involved in discussions. If the couple is mature enough, do they want to marry? If not, the decision must then be made whether or not the girl wants to keep the baby, or place it for adoption. Out of some eighty cases with which we have been involved, only a handful has kept the baby. Sometimes that has worked out well, and sometimes not. There is normally an emotional attachment to this child that has been carried in the womb for nine months, and it may be hard to part with the child. But a realistic assessment of what is best for the child may determine that adoption is the best course. A child’s ideal situation is to be raised by two loving parents.

If adoption is the decision made, then where is the girl to live? In several cases, the girl has continued to live with her family. This may not always work out, and this is why many have come to live with us, or with other families in our congregation. It may be that the girl has so much shame that it is an emotional strain for her to be around people she knows. It may be that there is some harassment from the father of the child or his family. They may try to persuade her to have an abortion.

The reason these girls choose a private adoption is because they want to be sure the child goes to Christians. State agencies will certainly provide families that are of good character and financially able to care for the child, but the families the state chooses probably won’t be Christians, as we understand the Biblical definition. Private adoptions are legal in most states, but of course the adoption itself must comply with regulations. The girl must be interviewed to be sure she is not being coerced, and the adopting family must be approved by the state through a “home study.” And there are costs involved—medical bills, attorney’s fees, state fees, etc.

Another consideration is whether the adoption is “open” or “closed.” An open adoption allows the birth mother to have some contact with the child, and this need to be agreed upon before the adoption process proceeds. In most cases, the adoption is closed.

In the adoption process, the father of the child should be involved. The last I heard, it takes two to get pregnant. Too many times, the young man walks away from all responsibility. He may have to be responsible for some medical bills, and if the girl keeps the baby, some states are now requiring that he pay child support. This is good. If adoption is chosen, he will have to sign a release before the state will approve the adoption.

Whatever decision is made with respect to adoption or keeping the baby, the girl needs love and support. Her emotional well-being has a direct affect upon the well-being of the child she is carrying in her womb. This child will be a blessing to someone, and needs to have a good head start.

Images of Rebellion

I guess I expect some people—usually younger folks—to adopt some of the outward trappings of rebellion as they endure adolescence and attempt to assert their independence. And some of the stereotypes are fairly predictable and established. In my youth, the rebel was judged generally by the length of hair and the general appearance of sloppiness—dirty bell-bottoms; sandals; long sideburns, etc. On the other hand, there was also the snuff-dipping, goat-roping cowboy/redneck rebel. And those images still persist, though “bad” has taken on new portrayals in our day.

The “circus side-show freak” has become popular—tattoos everywhere; odds and ends of metal piercing every part of the body; gaping holes in the earlobes; multi-colored hair; tattered clothing, etc. And then there’s the most popular picture of rebellion today—the ghetto thug “gangsta rapper” with his baseball cap sideways; baggy jeans pulled down to the top of the thigh; oversized T-shirt that hangs to the knee; fifty gold chains ornamented with excessive “bling,” and $200 basketball shoes. Everything about those images scream rebellion.

As kids grow up, they invariably struggle to free themselves from the leadership of others, be it parents, teachers, or adults in general. “Bad” is often tantamount to independence and their public persona will reflect such.

Avoiding or Glorifying Evil – ?

It concerns me, however, that adults are increasingly adopting a similar mentality. While the biker image goes back to Marlon Brando and James Dean (long before Peter Fonda and Arthur Fonzarelli), today’s model adds the trappings of outlaw gangs, shaved heads and extensive tattoos. Such a persona seems more appealing in our day to the middle-aged than to the young.  Why is it that so many grown folks want to look bad, tough, mean, imposing, and rebellious?

I suspect that many of these Orange County Chopper junkies have gotten caught up in the fad of motorcycle culture, and that they are probably decent enough people in their day-to-day lives. I can appreciate that. After all, I’ve been described a time or two as a “redneck,” although I don’t live the intemperate, careless lifestyle of one. But does it not say something about our society, and about ourselves, that we are so caught up in glorifying what is generally associated with lawlessness and rebellion?

Vice or Virtue?

As adults, we should have long ago come to appreciate the import of our influence. Do we really want to be seen as “bad?” Are we so inundated with godlessness that we would rather give the appearance of vice than virtue? When did it become so reprehensible that we might actually appear “good?”

In 1 Thess.5:22, Paul wrote, “Abstain from every form of evil.” The word “form” can be translated “appearance; fashion; shape; sight.” In that context, Paul may be offering some specific instruction about inspired teaching (v.20), telling them to test what was taught, retain what was good, and avoid whatever appeared evil. On the other hand, this admonition may be a general caution about perception. In either case, the latter is advisable for a person trying to serve God.

Our influence is important. We’re not attracting anyone to God when our very appearance says were “bad.” How others see us does makes a difference. Ephesians 5:8 remind us that as children of light, we should walk as such. It’s hard to impress others with “goodness, righteousness, and truth” when our outward persona screams rebellion, aggression, and confrontation.

I may love bikes, but I don’t have to dress like a “Hell’s Angel.” I may be a country boy at heart, but I don’t have to come across like a rebellious redneck. I may love rock music, but I don’t have to imitate Alice Cooper. I may like the NBA, but I don’t have to look like a thug.  And while these “perceptions” may not quite equate to issues of immorality, dishonesty, and ungodliness, they are nonetheless significant for people who are trying to practice and promote goodness in this world. Isaiah warned his contemporaries about their perverted standards.  “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness…” (5:10).

While perception and reality may not be the same, when it comes to influence, the appearance of impropriety can be as devastating as the impropriety itself. Think about that…the next time you decide that it looks really cool to look really bad.